Introduction
Happiness is a feeling. I think we can all agree on that. But what type of feeling it is, and what causes it, are harder to pin down. Happiness can be an elusive and confusing concept, yet everyone everywhere is constantly seeking it. It seems to be the reason for all that we do.
Anytime you desire anything, it is because you believe, consciously or unconsciously, that it will make you happier either now or in the future. It may be something that will only bring you momentary happiness, or it may be something that you believe will bring long-term happiness. Either way, the possibility of happiness motivates you to seek things. It’s what makes you decide that an action is worth the effort.
In this post, we will try to understand the feeling of happiness. We will talk about what it is and how to find it. We will not delve into all the biological mechanisms that are associated with it. Rather, we will focus on the functional aspect of happiness in human behavior and from there deduce how to obtain it.
What is Happiness?
Let’s start with a definition that we can all agree on:
Happiness is the emotional state that we seek.
It follows that, in any given situation with various actions to choose from, the action we take is motivated, either consciously or unconsciously, by the belief that it will result in greater happiness than an alternative action or lack of action.
The action or non-action we decide to take is assumed to lead to what can be called “desirable” circumstances. Desirable circumstances are those that we believe are conducive to happiness. The body understands what we believe to be desirable, and it will reward these desirable circumstances with the feeling of happiness. Therefore, happiness is the mind’s positive reinforcement for obtaining desirable circumstances.
A feedback loop is thus formed between happiness and desirability. Our experience with happiness guides our belief about what circumstances are desirable, and circumstances that we consider desirable are rewarded with happiness. Clearly, belief and happiness are strongly connected.
How to maximize happiness?
We have concluded that happiness is the body’s natural response to desirable circumstances, where “desirable” is defined by our beliefs. It follows that happiness is maximized when you believe that your circumstances (that you are aware of) are desirable.
This allows us to define 3 paths to happiness:
- Change your belief about what circumstances are desirable.
- Change your circumstances to more desirable ones.
- Change your awareness or focus.
In the following sections we will go into more detail on how to follow each of these paths.
- Change your Belief
As long as you believe that you are exceptionally unfortunate, happiness will be inaccessible. Changing your belief is an effective way to achieve happiness again. Start believing that your circumstances are acceptable, or at worst, normal. But stay within reason, of course, since some things, such as a bad habit of stealing, are objectively undesirable and should never be considered acceptable.
The world is big. No matter what situation you are in, there are others who can relate. Research your situation. Look for a community and you will likely find one. Seek the wisdom of those who have tread the path before you. You may find that you have been rather fortunate compared to others, and if not, you may discover that you are an inspiration to others.
Avoid any kind of environment that reinforces your stifling belief that your situation is undesirable. For example, avoid people who judge you negatively because of your circumstances. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Avoid unrealistic media, especially social media, which gives a false impression of how life is supposed to be and inflates the perceived value of unimportant things. Accept that real life is never as perfect as people would have you believe.
Think about what really matters. Think about how your current beliefs and desires will affect your future. What will you regret on your deathbed? What will you be proud of? What do you want to be remembered for? If you are religious, what does God desire for you? Stop desiring unimportant things.
Lastly, stop believing that you need to be happy all the time. This belief tends to entirely prohibit happiness. If you become unhappy, then the belief that you are supposed to be happy will only push happiness farther away. If you must first be happy in order to be happy, then you are trapped in a never-ending cycle of misery. Sadness happens. It’s a part of life. If you feel unbearably miserable, know that it’s okay and it happens to everyone from time to time. To put it simply, don’t make such a big deal about how you are feeling.
2. Change your Circumstances
If you can’t change your beliefs, you may have to change your circumstances. Begin by clearly identifying what it is that you want to change. Make sure the change is actually realistic and achievable. Envision the desirable circumstances you hope to create, and set goals to achieve them.
Work hard to accomplish your goals. Avoid procrastination. If there is anything you need to start working on, start now. No amount of preparation for a task is as effective as actually starting the task. As you work to accomplish a goal, you will gain a clearer understanding of what it really requires, and your experience will make you more capable.
Great achievements are made by consistent, small habits. If you want to write a book in one day, you can’t. But if you are already writing every day, then eventually you will have a book. Think about what habits you need to create in order to accomplish your goals. If you build constructive habits and avoid bad habits, then the changes you want will come automatically.
There are certain healthy habits that are already known to improve every aspect of your life. If you’re not sure what else to do, work on these: eat healthy, drink water, exercise, socialize, and get enough sleep.
3. Change your Focus
If you cannot change your beliefs or your circumstances, the least you can do is change your focus. At least some aspects of your situation must be desirable. You’re still alive aren’t you? So it can’t be all bad.
Make yourself more aware of your desirable circumstances, and avoid focusing on the undesirable ones. Focus on what you have rather than what you lack. The word for this is gratitude. Think of everything you’re grateful for. Say it out loud. Write it down. Bring all the good things to the front of your mind.
Hard times are a part of life. Maybe at this time you have very little to be grateful for. But things change all the time. Be resilient. Focus on the future. Find a reason to be optimistic. If the future looks bleak, look further and focus on heaven. Find joy in the blessings God has prepared for you in the next life. You can also look wider and focus on others. Find joy in the good fortune of people you care about.
Focus on progress rather than your current position. You may be dirt poor and loaded with debt at the moment, but if you’re saving more than what you spend each month, you will not be poor for long. You may be addicted to five different substances right now, but if you were addicted to six last year, you’re on your way to freedom. You may weigh 300 pounds right now, but if your current habits helped you burn off a few pounds this week, that’s something to be celebrated.
What should I desire?
Happiness is very strongly tied to what we desire. That explains why different people find happiness in different situations. Does that mean happiness is based on completely arbitrary beliefs with no objective meaning? I believe it is and it isn’t.
Early on, happiness can be based entirely on belief, but belief is refined over time. For example, let’s say you believe that gambling makes you happy. You go to the casino to find happiness, and you do find it, every time. The situation you find yourself in at the casino is very desirable to you, and the happiness you feel there reinforces that belief. However, when you take into account all of the consequences of gambling, you will begin to realize that not every aspect of it is desirable. If you desire to have money, then you will find a contradiction in your beliefs: money and gambling are adversarial. You will have to change your beliefs and choose one over the other. You will likely choose money, because without money, you can’t even gamble. As you gain experience and a broader view of what you really desire, your beliefs about certain things will change. Your belief about what is desirable will move closer to what is objectively desirable.
This process is related to my essays on morality, where I discussed the gradual refinement of human behavior towards objectively valuable actions. Eventually, society will be refined to the point that everyone will be doing what is objectively good all the time. But why will they be doing it? As always, they will be motivated by the feeling of happiness. In the future, and even today, the most refined people believe that doing good is what brings them happiness. This is the kind of happiness that we will all seek eventually. It is the only kind of happiness that can last forever.
If you want true happiness, seek to do what is right in whatever situation you are in. Focus on what you know is right, without a doubt. Focus on those closest to you, where you have the most frequent and most potent opportunities to do good. This is the way to be truly, independently, and indefinitely happy.
Truth Reconciled 